Movie: Star Wars - The Force Awakens

Dear JJ,

There used to be a hatch in the woods.  There used to be a button to push.  What happened?

You used to resist The Others. 

It seems like you’ve gone over to the corp. side.  It’s like you've been seduced by the name and lucre.  Well, it’s not easy to be part of the resistance. 

So,

On the surface, Star Wars: The Force Awakens didn’t make a mis-step.  The steering committee avoided any Binks-ian errors.  All rough edges were lopped off, and the movie was polished into a round mass that rolls through two hours of enjoyable, flashy repast. 

The best thing is BB-8.  Good design.  Memorable character.  The offspring of Artoo carries the day. 

I take that back—the Best Thing is Han Solo.  And our old friends were seamlessly continued into the new world, and it was not forced.  I appreciate that. 

FN is workable.  The false bravado with straight-up lies are good.  Then he tells his story:  He’s an escaped slave.  This is a promising seed for future development, but it didn’t grow much here. 

The ragged princess is not wrong.  Another shoot that’s piercing the desert sand. 

But,

Where is a memorable scene?  Heroes inside a trash compactor.  Ship inside a monster cave.  City floating in the clouds.  Walkers in the snow. 

You gave us The Great And Terrible Snape.  (Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.)

You gave us chase scenes, and nothing to remember.  No one zigs when they should zag.  No snags.  No ships land on the back of the cruiser.  No ships float away with the garbage.  No spark. 

This is corporate excellence.  Nothing to be sued over. 

No human error.

Carry on.  These are not the droids we were looking for.