Movie: Spectre

Spectre is the 24^th James Bond movie.

This movie has deserts with no sweat and snow without shivers.  And I don’t care.

It’s like they replaced Bond’s red blood with drones. 

I liked one shot:  the two fashion models posing in the desert train station.  Even so, there is NO scene I ever want to watch again.  I’m sorry I purchased this disc.

I literally fell asleep twice, and had to rewind. 

So this is how you neutralize Bond—not with a bang, but a whimper.  Convert the franchise into an NCIS episode.  In this age of “It Takes A Village,” the individual acting alone is not correct.  Bring in the spunky minority girl, the magical computer nerd and the father figure.  It just goes to prove, “No Man Is An Island,” ya know.  Let’s bring James into the warm civility of The Family.  Next up:  Q gives them a tricked-out pram at the baby shower.   

The individual super man is to be deconstructed.  He has been unchecked far too long, so says the group trying to smother the world.  Get rid of the non-conformists and any one person who acts outside the tentacles of The Group.  The movie-makers agree with the villains. 

Ugh, I am having trouble even finding the energy to criticize this lump of nothing.  It’s like the nanny-state changing the recipe for cake so it fits into the current health food pyramid. 

In the previous movies, we’ve seen Bond parkour snakes and cranes.  Jumping is a little much for this aged version.  He takes off his skeleton jacket and pants, revealing a second stylish suit.  Then he tip-toes across a few rooftops where random boxes have been placed as stair steps.  

This movie is a traipse over set pieces.  It is the spectre of mediocrity produced by group think. 

The fancy cars chase down a wide stairway, and all could think was, Bourne did it better in a Mini Cooper.  I feel sorry for the movie assistants who wasted time scouting and permitting that scene. 

They should have named it MI 6: Mission Impossible.  Except this movie doesn’t even live up to the Mission Impossible franchise.   

No wonder Craig wants out. 

P.S.  I actually like it when a movie is bad enough to pan with a vengeance.  Writing this was more fun than that spectacle.